The words "well, if you were a better mother?" Stick me like a knife. My wound heals quickly as I gather my thoughts... "well what if YOU were a better father?" The balls on this man. You really want to go there? I am not by any means a perfect mother. However, I can tell you everything that I am, as a mother. I am STRONG, I am LOVING, I am COMPASSIONATE, I am there for every cut, every bruise, every ache, every pain. Through all the sniffling, sneezing, runny noses, fevers, and asthma attacks. I am the one that is there, usually the only one. Trying to break me down by telling me that I should be a better mother, has no reflection on me, but yourself. I am the best I can be, for them.... these beautiful little girls give me a confidence like no other. For them, I will do anything and I can do everything. For years I never understood when my mom would say that she was a single mom, that raised us on her own. Mom, I understand now, completely. My dad was there,...
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I have been breastfeeding for the past 9 months. It has gotten much easier over time. The first couple of months are rough but if I could do it, so could you! The advice I'd give to a new mom would be to drink plenty of water and eat as often as you can. I know having a new baby can be nothing short of chaotic but trust me, you can do it! The first day I came home from the hospital I had my daughter, Aubrey who was 2 at the time, my niece Ava who also was 2 at the time and my newborn, Alivia. Life was chaotic. I was having a hard time managing with 3 girls. My anxiety was through the roof, I didn't want to function. Low and behold, I got through it. Yay me! AND I successfully breastfed my baby, every minute of it is so worth it. I'm contemplating on stopping when she turns a year old (In February.) If you want any advice on breastfeeding or how to manage with kids, feel free to contact me.
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As I sit here, hiding in my bedroom because all of my siblings are under the same roof, I wonder. Why are we so estranged? I love them very much but like them very little. They have always been not so nice to me, and I've always been there for them. It is utterly disgusting what drugs turn your own family into. It's not that I don't love them, I just don't care to deal with them. Here I am, 25 years old. I'm raising my two girls and my niece. My sister is living the dream. -sarcasm-. I pray every day that she cleans up her act, that she will want to be the woman I know she can be. I don't give myself enough credit. And, quite honestly when I hear people say "you're doing a great job" or "she's lucky to have you" It takes me a while to register the compliment. My thought process is 'keep the kids alive, keep them occupied, keep them happy, keep them clean, keep them fed, keep teaching them' it's just my job. To love, guid...
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So as I lay here in my bed with my boyfriend who is snoring away and our little girl in between the two of us, I can't help but to wonder what I was meant to do in life. I feel like I have so much great potential to be successful. I just really want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to go to college (I'm constantly kicking myself in the ass for not going right out of high school) I want to get my BSN in nursing. This weather needs to warm up a bit so I can get out of the house. I'm hoping to be enrolled in to school by September, to start my journey to being more successful. I really want to better myself and be the best role model for my daughter (and future children.) I want to write about something that is no stranger to me. Addiction, I am fortunate enough to not have addiction tendencies. However, a few people close to me fight addiction. Well people that were once close to me. I'm not going to mention any names
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So let's talk about drugs, most of us try them at least once. I've done my fair share, but I never did any of the hard core stuff. Drugs is a very controversial topic. Every one has something to say, I feel as if though people who don't have someone close to them who is an addict, don't really know what they're talking about when they say that. My siblings, my father, my best friends are all addicts. I don't even know who they are anymore. The people I'd always thought I'd always be able to count on can't even depend on themselves.
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Do you ever just feel like you need a miracle? That's how I'm feeling these days. I've been fortunate to be able to be a SAHM for just about the past year. I wish I could work, but I have no one to care for my daughter, and no money to put her into a daycare. My other half works hard to support us, but these days his job just isn't cutting it. We're going to be evicted, very soon. Christmas is in 8 weeks, we're not sure what's going to happen. It feels like the odds are against us. My family is going to be separated. The thought tears my heart into pieces. I'm 6 months pregnant with our second daughter. The pain this will conflict on us is stressing me out to no end. I don't want to separate my family. Our 2 Year Old Is Going To Be So Confused And upset. I'm more worried about her and how this will effect her, more than myself. She loves and adores her daddy, and so do I. Not being able to have him come home to us kills me. I don't know what...